On Faking Life and Other Things

Pandora’s That Crazy Lady in the Natural Food Aisle

So, I’m still new to the world of veganism and I’m also pretty proud of myself for actually sticking to it for nearly a month.  There have been a few cheats here and there (a bite of bean and cheese dip the other night/a small portion of nachos) but overall I’ve been doing relatively well.

I thought I had conquered all concepts until today:

This morning I had the most atrocious time with bread.  

Do you realize that there is absolutely no bread that is vegan and free of high fructose corn syrup??  I mean, it probably does exist but not at your basic grocery store.  I’ve got to get myself over to Trader Joe’s ASAP because I want some sandwiches avec loads of PB.  Though lately my peanut butter intake is coming from stirring it in my morning oatmeal.  That’s right.  Peanut butter in oatmeal.  Fucking delicious I tell you.  Hate on it until you actually try it.  Before I just ate oatmeal plain because I’m simply a boring seventy-five-year old woman inside.  I think I now can only consider myself a sixty-year-old for spicing it up with PB.  Then again, only I would think spicing something up would involve peanut butter.      

What I also realized is that I talk out loud to myself when shopping alone.  Mumbles of “No too much sodium……hydrogenated….bad….HFCS……ugh……that’s too pricey…..should I stick with the pinto or instead get black…..I like that kind of pasta…..”

I should also include what I looked like.  Having just gotten back from a summer kick off party I was still in the same jeans and shirt from the day prior.  Smudged mascara was only hidden by my sunglasses which received awkward glances because I was inside and completely out of direct sunlight.  My hair had that questionable “did she just have sex” look but if you knew me then you’d know that sex is hardly the case with me.  

Pretty much I looked a yuppie schizo who just escaped from Urban Outfitters.

But that look couldn’t stop me from food.  With just getting back from vacation, I had a naked fridge that needed pleasing.  Slightly hungover grocery shopping is the best anyways. Especially when I walked into the store and heard “Stronger” by Ms.  Spears playing and blackberries were on sale.  

  1. pandorasaurus posted this